i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
