Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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