So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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