Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
