Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
