he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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