Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
