my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
