I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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