this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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