I feel like abortions should bother me more
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
