Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
