I wish I only lived at night.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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