I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
