Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
