you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
