she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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