So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
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