The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
