I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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