sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
