i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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