he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
