The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
