even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
