i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
