you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
