doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
