like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
