don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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