So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
