Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's blow job season.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
