i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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