Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
