woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
