I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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