New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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