i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Thank you for not boning my boss.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
