I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
