My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
