Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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