He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
