I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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