I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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