omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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