I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
