In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
