she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
as a side note pls kill me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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