all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
pray to the hookup gods
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
