Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
