Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
