I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
